He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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