Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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