Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize