I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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