Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
