The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
