You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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