Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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