Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
