We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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