Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
