apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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