Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
