I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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