do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
