just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
