ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
