I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
