This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
