reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize