Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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