Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
