Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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