Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
