I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
