I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
