Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This baby is an asshole
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
