i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
