Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
