I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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