I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
