super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
