So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
