I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
3pm strippers are depressing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
not ubering you a puppy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
