I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
