I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How naked do you want me to be?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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