The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
