i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
