She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
