apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
