We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize