Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
