There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
