you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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