Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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