your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
