why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
