Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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