I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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