I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
