Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
