Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
