I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
