he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
