i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
