1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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