this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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