Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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