Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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