you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
