WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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