Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
