You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
