They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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