Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
