i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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