are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
