her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
