What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
