Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
