getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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