his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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