It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
