Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
