i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
