I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
