Acid is not a monday night drug
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
