Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
