Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
