If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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