In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
