Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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