did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
