This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
