Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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